Mmm..

Blargh.
I feel terrible.
So this is my venting out method
I cbf dealing with shit atm
Im terrified of losing her
I dunno why i think I will
I dunno..

Im just.. scared..

And it sucks so bad..

I love her oh so much
she makes me smile..

she keeps me alive. truely.
shes perfect yet i dont feel so perfect
I feel like she deserves better
all I do is make her upset
hmmm..

but..I dont want her to leave my side
god. im clingy...
hmm..

I have issues..
I just want her to trust me
I never ever ever wanna hurt her
its the last thing ill ever do
I dont wanna be like Ahem.
Im far from it
Im better than him..

Or..am I?

*sigh*

Im just..scared I guess
but I shouldnt be
she says she wont leave
and I believe her
yet i fear losing her
but over what or who..
I dont know

Maybe Im the one who will ruin us
with this "fear"
maybe me being so scared will fuck things up
Blah. not like i havent fucked things up before
im used to it

what should I do..

hmm i wonder if she thinks im just like everyone else

cause im far from it
I do love her.
with all my heart.
and for the first time.

ive fallen inlove.

Call Upon Your God

"..I think its funny how..
The toughest criminals and thugs and whatever,
When they're on their death beds,
Like the day before they fry,
They like to go all a sudden,
They like to go all religious,
I heard it like 9 out of 10 inmates on death row,
They're all ultra religious,
That's because they're about to die,
They're about to meet what's after death,
It's funny no one wants to turn to God until its too late,
Until your about to die.."

~Dark Lotus

I seriously dislike ultra-religious people and hardcore atheists. Both your groups don't know if God is real or not, yeah maybe his not and maybe he is. YOU won't know until you die so stop being all..

GOD IS REAL! THE BIBLE SAID SO !!!

or

GOD ISN'T REAL! HE NEVER IS REAL !

The bible said so..? Jeez grow up kids, how bout you use "God's" given "will power" and think for yourself for once, and why are you guys always contradicting yourselves? I've had a few convo's with religious people and they are so ARGH! like what the hell every two lines you guys contradict and make yourselves look so dumb..here's an example I remember from awhile ago;;

Him: Don't talk about the pope like that..God doesn't like people who are
Satanist and people who hurt themselves
because God doesn't want any of his creatures being hurt

Kryst: Yeah cool, well it's my life and I can say whatever I want,
And the pope is just some faggot they put up,
God didnt choose him so it doesn't make him any better than us..

Him: If you said this to my face I would've beaten the shit out of you



Wait What?!. First his all like God doesnt like his "creatures" being hurt and now his willing to hit me? Wow. Aren't you a smart one..Shit if God, Satan, Heaven and Hell is real..I'll be waiting for you in Hell. See, Im satanist...No. That doesn't mean I worship the Devil and no I don't perform rituals and summon demons. God has his 10 commandments so does Satan and I follow his rules over God's anyday. For all we know, God is the good guy and Satan is the bad guy..How do we know this?...from an old, dusty ancient book.. This is the stereotypical view of Heaven and Hell from the christian's and catholics view;; If your offended by anything I say, all I can say is I don't care..

Steretypical view;;

Heaven - A peaceful place where angels live and you can do anything you want, its a utopia.

Hell - A burning underworld where you are tortured and put into painful situations.

Cool. Sound fun for heaven and shit for hell?
Here is a satanist view of Heaven and Hell;;
One of the many branches of Satanism that is;

Heaven - A place where you serve under God, peacefully

Hell - A place where you and Satan are equal, there is no higher power,
Just equality..

Pretty diffrent aye? Of course. No torture, No pain. Just equality, Isn't that how we all want this world to be? Don't we all want a place where everyone is equal and there is no higher powers that can control us? *yawn* Don't bother answering..


Atheists are funny kids they believe science and evolution created our world. Sure, Im not going to say its not true nor will I say God didn't create the world..I have no idea, I wasn't there when the universe was created.. so all you atheists that are 100% sure there is no god, what was before the big bang? and if you have an answer for it...what was before that?


Snap this is a long blog, anywho im outta it for now;

Ciao <3

Through Still Eyes

"...Through Still Eyes..."

Day by day, I've watched friends and enemies battle it out with their fists and their mouths. I've seen happy relationships fall and crumble from outsiders, lies and hidden motives. While everyone is noticing everyone around them change and the world changing they forget to look at themselves. We've all looked at someone else and shunned them or praised them for their uniqueness, we've all wanted someone to change to be better or worse as a person, but what we don't see or even imagine is us changing. You are unable to see the full extent of your change, you can see the minor outcomes of it but not the whole thing. You think you know yourself more than me but you don't. Hahaha. Not even close.

"...why'd you break up..?.."

"..Who got hit..?.."

"..What! why would he.."

My world is filled with these simple lines. Relationships die all the time, I've been through it a few times. It's never easy but why fall down onto your knees and curse?..Why shut yourself away from the world you once loved and wish you are not apart of it all? Your just falling down a dark tunnel now, falling so fast you cant hold onto the walls, you dig your nails but they break and bleed and you scream.

You scream...

Don't bother kiddo, life is tough. Get over it. Do me a favour and dont rip yourself apart piece by piece, your not just hurting yourself your hurting everyone around you. Nowadays we got more to worry about I've got mates roaming the streets getting picked off one by one, getting smacked and slaughtered alive. What for? I've got no fucking clue and honestly...I don't give a shit. Why don't I give a shit?..Simple. I never hear the full story of it, all I ever hear is one side of the story. But how can you hear the full thing when the other side won't talk to you? I don't know and I don't care. The tough will always take out the weak it's nature. The Law isnt your friendly neighbour its a virus, full of cracks and mist. Its there but theres always a gap between you and it. You can't really grasp a hold of it and let it help you, it doesnt work like that...Wanna know why? Corruption. I know my share of corrupted people and how easy it is to turn them against their best friends. No matter what people say they are mostly lying and two-faced. Not saying everyone is....just quite alot of people. You won't know who to trust 110% until you die, those who cried are yours, those who cared are yours, those who never even took a second guess at your name..Can go to hell.



"..When hearts turn cold,
and the world lies,
Truth is told,
Through still eyes.."

Driven Into Madness

"...Killing is just another pleasure.."

What drives serial killers into that mindset?

We've all had that urge. You all know what I'm talking about..you've been angry and pushed about and you cant take it no more, your hurt, your upset and you just wanna let it out..whats the easiest way to do that? hurt the person who's been hurting you...you visualize yourself standing before them and inflicting an enormous amount of pain. You punch, kick, stab, hit, whack, break, shoot, snap..you'd do anything to make then feel sorry...then as you realize your sitting on your bed you feel foolish, maybe even scared to think you would do something like that. Well you shouldn't be because by doing so you are releasing a lot of your anger and rage into thin air...now what if you acted upon those instincts...well you wouldn't be in your fucking room right now, you'd be right there with a knife in your hands pushing it in and pulling it out of their chest. Where is your mind at the moment? It's not with you, its somewhere away and it can't hear your call for it. Its easy to say you would kill someone and easier to say you won't but I can surely tell you, all you need is a slight push and your over that fucking edge, your running lose, you cant think, you cant scream, your heart is pounding and your hands are soaked in blood. Everyone in this shitty ass world are hiding behind make-up, fake smiles, false pretense and emotionless voids, anyone in this world can snap at anytime, from your so called friendly neighbor to a fucked up mum who has just killed their own kids with a fucking hatchet.. Your best friend can turn against you at anytime and stab a knife through your back. So if everyone is capable of going crazy and falling into the rift of madness, who can you trust?

Instinct.

We Aim For The Things We Fear

You don't know who you are.

No one does.

Simply put, you can be the nicest person in the world, always caring, always putting your friends first and never would you think of stabbing them in the back. Pfft. Dont get cocky cunt. I know you more than you know yourself, I've seen minds warped and broken when situations arise that arent in their "comfort zone". How much will power do you have before you crack? Hmm. Let me put you in a game where you are forced to choose between life and death, all you simply have to do is pull that trigger and face the barrel towards a friend.

Can You Pull That Trigger?

Don't even say no. Don't think for one second you wont ever, ever, ever pull that trigger. You can't say you wont do it. You can't say its not in you. Why? Because your not in that fucking situation. Your mind right now is set onto "carefree mode", you can think straight and clearly right now, your putting your friendship before your very lives...you know not to pull that trigger. Hahaha, you..fucking..wish..! If your life is on the line, your mind doesn't think straight. Not even for a second, its running around, its trying to find a way to get out of your head, its like a scared lil boy lost in the dark. It doesn't know where it's going or what to do once it gets there. People change at diffrent times, it's not hard to change someone..push that person to an extreme and you will get a result.

Suicidal..?

Suicidal to me are not attention seekers. This is how I see it, God? Or whatever you believe in, be it God, Buddah, Allah or science made everyone of us diffrent. We may share a few of the same qualities but we cannot be exactly the same. Suicidal people are people how have been given a disadvantage, they have less will to cope with certain situations. Put it this way, people with less will to cope are like thin glass, drop it and it breaks. You can't expect someome to harden the fuck up and get over it because its not like that, I dont tell blind people to harden the fuck up and start seeing again, its not fucking possible. Suicidals are just people with less will, but..we do have attention fucking seekers who have nothing more to do than to seek attention by cutting or crying, well if your one of those people and your reading this now, keep on reading.

Grow The Fuck Up Cunt.